And, being in the place that I am in my life, the only thing I can think about is how much I wish I was in a position where I had to decide whether to sign a contract like that. I can pretty much visualize the conversation:
SLEAZY PUBLISHING LAWYER: I think you'll find it's all a pretty standard industry contract. Just sign on that line.
Smoke drifts from behind the lawyer and his devil tail is briefly visible
MY AGENT (Preferably played by Ethan Ellenberg or Caitlin Blasdell): Wait a minute! It says in clause 437.16.32q that if you don't make back your advance they get to sacrifice you to Yog Sothoth by pounding a nail through your head at midnight on a full moon.
Author holds pen over contract uncertainly.
AUTHOR: Oh, um, yeah, I see that. So what kind of nail is it exactly?
Obviously it's for people like me that agents were invented.