"Hello, iTunes, I was told I have to talk to you to get some files from my iPad..."
"Welcome to iTunes! I have lots of music that's really easy to download! What do you want to hear? How about Shakira? She has a new album!"
"Yeah, actually I don't want any music. It's just that I was told that you were the only one that could give me access to my iPad files."
"Hmm...files, files...do you want to watch X-Files? That's a TV show. I also have TV shows. Movies, too!"
"No. No, I don't want music, movies or a TV show. It's just that talking to you is the only way to copy..."
[iOS program assumes a stern but loving expression.]
"We don't use that word 'copy' around here. Some people copy things they are not supposed to. We call them 'pirates.' Hey, I know! Why don't you watch Pirates of the Carribean?"
"I'm not copying anything illegal. I want to copy my files, things I made. My documents, my photos..."
"Photos? Oh, I don't deal with photos. You will want to talk to iPhoto for that. This is iTunes. Tunes is another word for music. But we also have movies and TV shows so I see how that could be very confusing for you. Hey, do you want to watch Looney Tunes?"
"Right, but they're all just files. I just want to put my documents on this backup drive."
"Did you say backup? Why didn't you say so before? I can make a backup for you."
"I can do it myself if I can just see my..."
"Do you want me to make a backup? I can make a backup!"
"Umm, okay. Make a backup."
"Okay! That will be thirty minutes!"
[IOS program goes in a room and closes the door.]
"Wait! Can't you just..."
[IOS program looks out the door.]
"I'm backing up your files. Do you want me to stop backing up your files? Because then you might lose them all."
"Um, okay, no."
[IOS program closes the door.]
THIRTY MINUTES LATER:
"Did you finish backing up my files?"
"Yes! Backup complete!"
"Great! Can I see the files please?"
"You don't need to see them. They're backed up. Nothing to worry about."
"I know. I mean I need to get at them. Where are my files?"
"They're all backed up, don't you worry."
"I believe you. But I want to work with them."
"You want me to put them back on the iPad?"
"No! I can already see them on the iPad. I want to work with them on another computer. I want to put them on another drive."
"Drive, drive, here we go! Do you want to watch Drive, starring Ryan Gosling?"